Looking back from old age, middle age seems less like a decline and more like a turning point I misunderstood. Those years were spent worrying, about what changed, what I was losing, and if I was still enough. I wish I had learned that middle age was not the end of life, it was the beginning of a more profound and true love of myself. I wish I knew that my body would change but my value wouldn’t. I didn’t like the wrinkles, the weight gain/loss, tiredness, and the slower healing.
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I viewed these changes as issues rather than a normal part of life. I now realize that the body needs to be treated well, with care and patience. In middle age, it was more important to get on with one’s responsibilities than to rest, move, attend to health and emotional needs. I thought that I would wait until life would be easier to look after myself. Life doesn’t get easier. Health should be a priority in everyday life as the energy and independence relies on the consistency of care, which supports confidence.
The other thing I learned as I was getting older is that it’s not possible to please everyone. It took too long for me to carry a burden of guilt, to live up to expectations, to never fail to please. I let other people’s needs take precedence over my own capacities. I would have felt lighter in middle age had I learned to say no without fear, and choose peace without apology. I wish I knew that relationships evolve. Some relationships deepen, others grow apart or get unhealthy. I clung on to people, for history, for duty, or out of the fear of loneliness.
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As I got older, I discovered that companionship should be accompanied with respect, honesty and emotional safety. It’s not failure to try, it’s breaking away from toxic relationships. It allows for better relationships and a more peaceful life. Middle age can fly by and old age comes with the needs of the day. Personal finance behaviors of saving, planning, reducing debt, and knowing personal finances are acts of protection. Financial confidence increases the choices and reduces the fears that an older woman has when making decisions, as well as the fear that she will need to rely on others.
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Mostly, I wish that I trusted myself. I was more knowledgeable than I thought, but I was always looking for approval before taking a decision. I questioned my sense and made comparisons with others. I now know that there’s a time for everything, and that’s time for every woman’s journey. Middle age is not a race and there’s no one right way to live it. In retrospect, I view middle age as a strong period of transitions. In general, it’s a time to let go of past tension, look after the future and be truthful with myself about what I need.
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